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I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?