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I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Iām beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...