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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.