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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.