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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around