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When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.