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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(