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A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.