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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
If I throw a stick will you leave?
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her