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Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.