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My cardio is shopping.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Iām not crazy just the voices are!
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.