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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.