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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.