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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.