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If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.