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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Never squat with your spurs on
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t