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Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
Condoms prevent minivans.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
i hate that the sun comes up so early