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Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.