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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I say the things better left unsaid.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.