Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.