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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.