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I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.