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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
hilarious
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.