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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.