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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.