Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.