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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.