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I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel