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Cashiers are always checking me out.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”