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What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.