Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.