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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.