Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.