Daily Silly Status

So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.

Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.

For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.

Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.

Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.

I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.

Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.

Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.

The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?

Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.

I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"

I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!

Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"

Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.

Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!