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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.