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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now