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I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.