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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.