Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.