Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one