Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.