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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!