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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.