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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Check this one out.........1