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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.