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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.