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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume