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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"