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My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.