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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.