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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.