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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Hash browns not tags.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....