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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.