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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?