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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Long story short, I love summaries
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.