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I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.