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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.