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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.