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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
This patience thing takes forever.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.