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Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
and alcohol are now friends.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.