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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.