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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.