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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Gym Update: Not there.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
i dont have drain bramage.