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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.