Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug