Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.