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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Diet plan: make friends fatter
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair