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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.