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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.