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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.