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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....