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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.